Thoughts

 You know what sucks? Periods.

You know what makes periods suck more? The fact that if you try to talk about this regular, normal event that happens to every healthy woman, people get squeamish and don't want to hear about it.

You know what makes that EVEN WORSE? That even though you're having a shit time, you feel awful, you're in huge amounts of pain and discomfort and yet you somehow STILL make it through a normal workday and get everything done (having had to put twice as much effort into it as you normally would), you can't tell anyone that you did it all while feeling like you just got run over by a bus because nobody wants to hear about your period, so you don't even get acknowledgement of the fact that you worked extra hard to get through a day while feeling really bloody awful.

And because nobody will let you complain about how bloody awful you feel, nobody realises just how awful it can really be. So when they feel awful, they don't say anything and thus we perpetuate this myth that periods don't actually affect our daily lives, and that we should all just pretend nothing's different, or we'll get looked down on and seen as weak complainers who can't even deal with their period. And this is absolute bullshit. 

 I finally have something resembling a decent Internet connection! Hooray! My main blog is therefore up and running again. I'll be updating it on a weekly basis as planned, and those will generally go up on Sunday nights. Here is the link in case you need it again. That's the place where I'll tend to put up photos and stuff, or links to photos that I have on my main photo site when I put up some more new stuff.

In brief: In the middle of Group 3 right now, and they're really good students. I'm also really tired and looking forward to my Summer holiday!

 There's this cultural practice here where people will wear a mask if they have a cold in order to reduce the risk of passing it on to others. Very considerate. Unfortunately, it doesn't do shit if you are in a crowded place and then TAKE THE MASK OFF when you need to sneeze! Bloody moron did this in Shanghai while we were in line for a tourist attraction. I blame her. This is all her fault. 

Yep, sick again. It's only day one of the sick and I already can't stand up properly. This is a particularly bad problem given that one of my students LOST MY MEDKIT on the Great Wall, the trainee in charge of the first aid stuff hasn't arranged a new one for me yet, and the entire medical supply is on the first floor while I live on the 5th. We have no lift, and the dumbwaiter hasn't worked in the entire 15-year history of this place (not to my knowledge, anyway).

Phil is even more sick than I am, which doesn't help matters. It means that *neither* of us is in any kind of shape to be traipsing around campus, collecting things we need. And I have work to do. I was going to do some field research and come up with some activities at various sites we visit with the students, but that's not an option now given I can barely walk across my apartment, let alone make it down the stairs or around the city.

THIS IS SO STUPID AND ANNOYING AND I HATE IT SO MUCH.

Worst case, I can call the school nurse and ask her very politely to please bring up some medication for us, but I'm hoping to avoid that. 

Seriously pissed off right now.

 So Group 1 went home on Wednesday afternoon. It has been an incredible first month. There were frustrations and annoyances, but over all it was a very positive experience.

One of the key things that I know about this program is the change that it instills in the students. They come out of it more mature than they came in, and that's huge given it's a noticeable difference in just one month. Having taught year 9 for 4 years, this is not something you get to see happen in any normal school programme. The fascinating part for me was *literally* seeing it happen overnight, and I can tell you exactly when the change occurred: Between day 1 and day 2 of their trip to Shanghai. I did once or twice need to remind them to keep that positive change happening, but only once or twice. It's not something I can describe easily, but it was a clear change in attitude and expectation. They realised that what they were doing wasn't working, we all discussed how to make it better, and they changed. Amazing.

There were a lot of tears on their last day. I cried too, though not nearly as much as the kids. But then, I didn't cry on my last day here as a student, no matter how badly I wanted to. One of the boys gave me a present; it was a little teddy bear money box. Most gorgeous thing ever!

So that's group one over. I'll try to update more regularly over the next 5 groups, but as anyone who's ever started a new job knows: It takes over your life and you have no time for a while. now that I have a better idea of what I'm doing, I should be able to stay in touch more often. 

 So the students were away on homestay this weekend, which meant that the staff went out to dinner together and then partied on a bit into the night. It was a great way to spend the evening, and I met some lovely Irish blokes and one Canadian. They were good fun!

In general, I'm really tired and loving my job, though report-writing really needs to start at some point soon.

We'll be in Beijing this week (leaving tomorrow night), then we come home and a few days later the students leave for Australia. And that's my first ever China group, done and dusted. Feels a bit weird, actually. I'm supposed to give the students a personal reflection on the wall, while they do theirs. I'm not really sure what I'll say. I've been thinking about it but not a lot springs to mind, I'm afraid. I also need to decide where to take them for dinner on their 2nd-last night in China. I'll ask the other staff for some ideas.

Tonight I need to pack, and prepare a bit more for tomorrow. We also need to start making plans for the Easter break, which we hope to spend about half of in Shanghai. I plan to do LOTS of shopping! :-)

So, I have to go shopping. In a country which has miniature sizes. Because I only just found out that I have to wear collared shirts for my job. 

This means a trip to the market to bargain my little guts out and hopefully come away with some good polo shirts to last me until I can get some proper shirts tailored.

Wish me luck.

 About 2 years ago, I got married. I married a man I am committed to and in love with. Two very important things in a marriage, certainly in our contemporary, Western view.

Since then, a lot has happened. Phil has finished a Masters thesis, and we've moved to China. This has had me thinking about my view on commitment and how it's been tweaked since I was a teenager.

As little as 6 years ago, I would have considered myself to be in a committed relationship if it was a case of "we're in this together and we want to keep it that way", but these days I would consider that to describe any relationship I'm in, be it family, friends, or lovers. These days, I view a commitment as working together to achieve individual and common goals.

For instance, while Phil was doing his MA, I was working full time. He had a part-time job, which meant taking longer to finish his thesis, but the sacrifice of that time meant that we were able to live together and have the sort of lifestyle we wanted.

I am currently the sole bread-winner, but he sacrificed the life he knew to move overseas with me so that I can follow this dream. When we get back, I will probably go back to study and he will be the primary breadwinner for a while.

We are helping each other achieve personal goals. We are also working for joint goals, like owning a place and possibly even living in the UK eventually.

So these days, I see commitment more as an ongoing, joint effort toward achieving big things that benefit both of us, even if they're individual endeavours. My underlying "we're sticking together" philosophy hasn't changed, but it encompasses a broader range of criteria.

Tomorrow is my last day in Australia. We'll be finishing packing tomorrow morning, and we're pretty much set to go. I've restarted my Project 365, and for those of you with a LiveJournal account, the blog where i'll be doing most of my updating on CHina is listed in my LJ personal info.

I'm a bit tired and a bit nervous, and also very excited. I'm also having trouble with the idea that it's really happening. For real. Actually, truly, finally happening. 

wow.

So I know I'm done with classroom teaching. I'm a good teacher and I'm still passionate about education, but I can't work in a system that's as broken as ours. I don't even want to try for a private school and hope for better, because there is a limit to how much better it can be. Once this job in China finishes, I want to do something else. 

Thankfully, I now know what that is. I'm going to do either a Master of Sustainability, or whatever the most similar course is that Monash offers at the time. Had I the choice, I would have done Environmental Science as my major instead of maths (thanks a lot, mum) and probably been a lot happier for it, so now it's time to build on that. 

In my final year in China, I won't be applying for full-time classroom work. Instead, I'll be applying to university and hopefully getting in to this course. Then later, working in some other capacity that isn't teaching regularly in a school.

Wish me luck!

 So I may be intolerant to histamines. This might sound weird since histamines are what cause an allergic reaction, but that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about histamines in food. 

I was told this might be a possibility after relating my experiences with red wine headaches. Apparently histamine intolerance causes those, among other symptoms. For instance, random bouts of gut problems, frequent bloating and chronic rhinitis (the latter of which I've struggled with for as long as I can remember).

I'm now on day 2 of a low-histamine diet and going OK. It's kind of weird to get to mid/late afternoon and not be bloated enough that my trousers don't fit. I mean, it happens occasionally! But not 2 days in a row! Choosing what to wear to a party was always determined by what my tummy was doing that evening and what I expects it might do. Some of this was solved by cutting out two types of preservatives, burn not nearly completely. It'd be wonderful if this is the answer to my problems and I didn't have to think in those terms any more.

it's a fairly restrictive diet, but no too bad. I can't drink red alcohol for the time being, also no yeast or wheat. No tomatoes, no citrus fruit, and no berries. Meat has to be ridiculously fresh so no aged steak, processed meat, and no fish unless it was caught that morning at the latest. Barbecues could be a problem.

i'm not worried about China, as the main culprits are easy to avoid. Soy won't be as easy, but I'll manage. I also very clearly remember feeling healthier there than I ever did here or in Europe, so there may well be something to that.

wish me luck,,hopefully this will be the final one!