On commitment
Feb. 11th, 2013 04:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nimthiriel About 2 years ago, I got married. I married a man I am committed to and in love with. Two very important things in a marriage, certainly in our contemporary, Western view.
Since then, a lot has happened. Phil has finished a Masters thesis, and we've moved to China. This has had me thinking about my view on commitment and how it's been tweaked since I was a teenager.
As little as 6 years ago, I would have considered myself to be in a committed relationship if it was a case of "we're in this together and we want to keep it that way", but these days I would consider that to describe any relationship I'm in, be it family, friends, or lovers. These days, I view a commitment as working together to achieve individual and common goals.
For instance, while Phil was doing his MA, I was working full time. He had a part-time job, which meant taking longer to finish his thesis, but the sacrifice of that time meant that we were able to live together and have the sort of lifestyle we wanted.
I am currently the sole bread-winner, but he sacrificed the life he knew to move overseas with me so that I can follow this dream. When we get back, I will probably go back to study and he will be the primary breadwinner for a while.
We are helping each other achieve personal goals. We are also working for joint goals, like owning a place and possibly even living in the UK eventually.
So these days, I see commitment more as an ongoing, joint effort toward achieving big things that benefit both of us, even if they're individual endeavours. My underlying "we're sticking together" philosophy hasn't changed, but it encompasses a broader range of criteria.
Since then, a lot has happened. Phil has finished a Masters thesis, and we've moved to China. This has had me thinking about my view on commitment and how it's been tweaked since I was a teenager.
As little as 6 years ago, I would have considered myself to be in a committed relationship if it was a case of "we're in this together and we want to keep it that way", but these days I would consider that to describe any relationship I'm in, be it family, friends, or lovers. These days, I view a commitment as working together to achieve individual and common goals.
For instance, while Phil was doing his MA, I was working full time. He had a part-time job, which meant taking longer to finish his thesis, but the sacrifice of that time meant that we were able to live together and have the sort of lifestyle we wanted.
I am currently the sole bread-winner, but he sacrificed the life he knew to move overseas with me so that I can follow this dream. When we get back, I will probably go back to study and he will be the primary breadwinner for a while.
We are helping each other achieve personal goals. We are also working for joint goals, like owning a place and possibly even living in the UK eventually.
So these days, I see commitment more as an ongoing, joint effort toward achieving big things that benefit both of us, even if they're individual endeavours. My underlying "we're sticking together" philosophy hasn't changed, but it encompasses a broader range of criteria.
