nimthiriel: (Default)
Last year I had so much stress and for so long that I started experiencing something frightening: Depersonalisation. I spent a great portion of last year feeling like I wasn't really there - like the world was passing me by. I would come home, get into bed and reflect on memories that didn't feel like they were my own. I felt like I hadn't really been there, but more that I'd just seen it happen. Like I'd watched a movie of the day and was now going to bed after it.

It's not fun to experience, and one I never ever want to go through again.

I'm now finally starting to feel like I'm part of the world again. After months of recovering from my parents' ultimate rejection of my fiancé and of their response to my moving out, then of other bits and pieces of passive aggression from them, I'm starting to feel like myself again. I'm starting to feel like I'm actually really there when I do stuff and hang out with people, and to still feel like I was actually there when I think back on it later.

It's not 100% back to where it was yet, but the fact that I'm noticing that I'm "feeling" the world again is a big step forward. I think the cycling has helped - all the sensations that I get while riding have reminded me that they should be getting an emotional response, and I'm getting one. It's a bit of a relief.

nimthiriel: (Friends!)
There are certain types of communication that I really suck at, and I also suck at using certain communications media. For instance, I'm terrible at writing emails. I'm also terrible at making requests. If you put the two together, you have the potential for social suicide. I've known this for a while, and noticed it yet again with the last couple of emails I sent that were requests for information so I thought it would be worth writing about.

Read more... )

I promise that I'm doing my best to get better at it. Every time I have to communicate a request, particularly in writing (though also in spoken conversations), I am trying to improve on the last one and trying to remember advice I've had in the past on how to do it in a way which doesn't break social norms, or to remember things that I realised I did poorly, but not until after sending (much to my dismay). I'll often have a third party proof-read it for me and give advice on how it comes across and what I can do to change anything which is written particularly badly.

I will always keep striving to improve, but I still have a lot of practice to do at this sort of thing and I will often forget or trip up. Just be patient with me, and please don't take offence at my awkward attempts to be polite, because I really do want to be. I just don't always know how.

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nimthiriel

January 2014

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