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Getting "with it" again
Mar. 15th, 2011 06:39 amLast year I had so much stress and for so long that I started experiencing something frightening: Depersonalisation. I spent a great portion of last year feeling like I wasn't really there - like the world was passing me by. I would come home, get into bed and reflect on memories that didn't feel like they were my own. I felt like I hadn't really been there, but more that I'd just seen it happen. Like I'd watched a movie of the day and was now going to bed after it.
It's not fun to experience, and one I never ever want to go through again.
I'm now finally starting to feel like I'm part of the world again. After months of recovering from my parents' ultimate rejection of my fiancé and of their response to my moving out, then of other bits and pieces of passive aggression from them, I'm starting to feel like myself again. I'm starting to feel like I'm actually really there when I do stuff and hang out with people, and to still feel like I was actually there when I think back on it later.
It's not 100% back to where it was yet, but the fact that I'm noticing that I'm "feeling" the world again is a big step forward. I think the cycling has helped - all the sensations that I get while riding have reminded me that they should be getting an emotional response, and I'm getting one. It's a bit of a relief.
It's not fun to experience, and one I never ever want to go through again.
I'm now finally starting to feel like I'm part of the world again. After months of recovering from my parents' ultimate rejection of my fiancé and of their response to my moving out, then of other bits and pieces of passive aggression from them, I'm starting to feel like myself again. I'm starting to feel like I'm actually really there when I do stuff and hang out with people, and to still feel like I was actually there when I think back on it later.
It's not 100% back to where it was yet, but the fact that I'm noticing that I'm "feeling" the world again is a big step forward. I think the cycling has helped - all the sensations that I get while riding have reminded me that they should be getting an emotional response, and I'm getting one. It's a bit of a relief.
