nimthiriel: (Broken Things)
I keep going over my weight-maintenance calorie level, according to my food diary. I hate myself.

I know I should just be happy with my body no matter what, but the fact is that I'm not. I liked being a size 12, as that is the healthiest I've ever felt. I hate seeing what I see in the mirror at the moment. There are just bits which aren't looking they way they do in my mind (but they did look like they should last time I was a 12, which is when I was 22).

At the moment I'm wearing jumpers, even when it's too hot, just to hide the bit of belly protruding when I sit down. I'm also constantly beating myself up for my lack of exercise, even though I know that I can't do much about it right now without collapsing (I suspect low iron levels are the culprit), AND I'm trying really hard not to guilt myself over the fact that I'm about to cost us over $3000 for a unit of Physics at uni, which isn't including any textbooks I may need to buy.

I just need to relax. That's all. I'm just not very good at it any more.

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nimthiriel

January 2014

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